He’s just not that into you !

While over the years of seeing friends go through relationships, I have devised rules to follow ( like my favorite rule of 3) , I am blogging about a new rule for a friend who needs to see that her boy ( as she calls him ) is just not that into her….

We have all met these men – the “he’s just not that into you’ variety! I’ve met them myself and have pointed out for my friends the ones they’ve encountered. Like with all other things, it’s easier to point things out for somebody else, than for yourself and that’s exactly what I am trying to do here!

He’s a great lad! I cant deny that and I at some point totally approved of him (and well still think he’s great) but I just like to point things out as they are and he’s just looking out for himself right now and I need you to watch out for you !

Honey, it’s time to cut your losses and to move on in Life. Why would anybody ( yeah I know easier said than done) want to stay home stuck in that dating limbo , while the guy is out partying it out and living his life , like nothing happened ? Time to move on girl, to better things and territories.

I can easily tell you to “Hang in there” and wait for him to realize how wonderful you are and come running back to you. I know that’s what you’re pining for. I can say “if you play the game right he will come running back into your arms and all will be as was – perfect first few months” . Sadly I can be a bitch, especially when my girls’ feelings  are at stake and I will tell you this , please don’t be surprised if he dumps you or continues to drag you through this game you’re playing. You will not win this one !

Women have the knack of assuming and dreaming and making men they meet to be more than they are. You do it too and so do I, it’s just in our DNA. This boy is made up entirely of your excuses. It’s really time to take stock of things and stop making the excuses for him. The one golden rule to remember is “where there is a will, there is a way!ALWAYS

Men, for the most part, like to pursue women.  They like to think of you as a prized possession. They like not knowing you’re in the bag , they like not knowing if they can catch you and when they do , they feel rewarded. It’s this thrill that drives them. It’s all about the ‘chase’

Women make a big mistake, they forget the Rule 2 of 3 – they get swayed by the “honeys” and the “babys” and the talk about the happy future together that happens in month 1 . The sweet nothings are just an easier way to say than “I’m just not that into you.” 

Darling, remember – actions speak louder than any of the above. There are ways to show how one really feels and words cannot match up to them…ever…

There are small things and gestures that speak volumes about how one feels about you.

Remember this is the same guy who in the first few meetings knew exactly what to say and when to say them and what was the right thing to do. He cannot forget all that over night     (or in a few months) he just doesn’t think it’s worth the effort anymore.

The next thing men like this do is say “ I think you’re awesome and I’m just not there yet” , “you deserve more”  or “you’re  too good/perfect for me” “ I want to give you my 100% you deserve it , but I have too much going on right now “. My dear girl, men are selfish beings, if  a man really wants you, he will do what it takes to keep you in his life.

The “let’s be friends” tag is the worst to get.  My view ( and I conclude this from experience ) – You and he have enough friends and don’t need each other to survive/stay happy. Take the cue, walk away. If he really likes you and misses you , then he will take the effort to keep up and make amends , but beware , don’t confuse it with him wanting you as a back up ……By saying “ let’s be friends” when he knows you like him , he will always be able to play the “friend” card on you.  He will only be responsible for the expectations of a friend, rather than the far greater expectations of a boyfriend. 

This way he’s got the ultimate situation: a great friend with all the benefits of a girlfriend, whom he can see or not see whenever he wants to.  He may be one of your closest friends, but I’m sorry to say … as a boyfriend, he’s just not that into you. Beware of the word “friend”.  It can often be used by men or the women that love them to excuse the most unfriendly behavior.  Personally, when I’m picking friends, I like the ones who don’t make me cry myself to sleep. I like being me around my friends and the minute I need to “think” what I should say or do; it’s time to close them out…..

You don’t want to be “sort of dating” someone dear or to be “kinda hanging out” with someone. You shouldn’t have to spend a lot of your energy suppressing how you feel and what you want to say, just so you can appear to be ‘uninvolved/uninterested’ when you really are !

I think you deserve to be involved and we both know you want to be involved with somebody who you can trust and respect, with somebody who reciprocates how you feel and is well,  into you ! You can’t blame people for having feelings for you. The guy did at some point like you, he still may! I mean think about it, you love someone, you break up, and you still have feelings for them. It’s natural; it’s what makes us Human! But having feelings doesn’t mean you can hook up, be at his disposal or even think he owes you anything in return! He’s been clear by saying lets just be friends coz he’s just not that into you! Every man you have ever dated who has said he doesn’t want to get married or doesn’t believe in marriage, or has “issues” with marriage, will … rest assured … someday be married.  It just will never be with you ….

My dear everyone wants to be loved and needed, particularly by the person who just broke up with us.  I understand where you come from.  What could be better than hearing from the man who just told you he didn’t want you in his life anymore … his sad, wistful, “I miss you so much” voice on the other end of the phone?  It’s validating.  It’s exciting.  It’s irresistible.  But resist you must!

Any good friend, who loves you ( like me J ) will have only one piece of advise to share – stop talking to him and please disconnect !

I reiterate again – a man who wants to make a relationship work will move mountains to keep the woman he loves.  If he’s not calling you to tell you he loves you and wants you back, it should only be because he’s showing up to say it in person and if he’s doing none of that , then I’m sorry honey He’s just not that into you ! He may love you and miss you but it’s not enough and you need to do what you need to – stop taking his calls and let him know you’re not available.

Umm, let the fact that he misses you not flatter you! He should miss you, you’re awesome, you made his life happier and warmer and you know it ! Yet he’s still that guy who called it off and said its time to cool off ! The only reason he misses you is because he’s making the choice of not being with you…coz he’s just not that into you !

You remember we had a friend (name to be shared in person) who was dating Mr. X for like a month and he split with her saying that he did not think it could be something serious and thought they should still hang out and be friends? And she being the silly girl that she was (is) agreed (and this is a common trend for us all isn’t it?) . They would get together, hang out and sometimes hook up, then there would be a break and then it would go back and it went on and on coz she was into him and for him this was a perfect no strings attached arrangement…..She kept making excuses for him, and kept thinking it’s kinda cool — all pressure’s off and we’re having a great time together.  Till the day she decided that this was fine and she wouldn’t call his attention for the fact that they were actually dating.  Except for the fact that they had split a few months back! You remember how pissed you were about this arrangement?

Her guy was brilliant. He went out with her, dated her, broke up with her, then continued to hook up with her etc and all this absolved him with all the responsibilities that would come with “dating” (aka all responsibility toward your feelings).  After all, they weren’t “going out “anymore.  It was genius!  We even discussed how cool it was as a plan, only for the fact that it was our dear friend’s heart at stake…

Anyways back to your story – for the record, this guy doesn’t “like you so much that he can’t stop being around you.”  Because here’s what guys don’t do if they can’t live without you: they don’t break up with you.  This guy is seriously not into you, and the only way you’re going to figure out how into you , you are … is how fast you get rid of him! Pssst, hint: NOW is good!

It’s very tempting when you really want to be with someone to settle for much, much less — even a vague pathetic facsimile of less — than you would have ever imagined.  Remember always what you set out to get and please don’t settle for less.  These guys exist because there are a lot of women out there who allow them to. ! And you and me (and power puff chicks like us are not that kind!)

Here’s what you should do – Every time you feel that void ( and feel it you will ) call me / your other  Gfs up….come over , lets go out for drinks or a movie or coffee or dinner.               Leave him , don’t look for an excuse to stay…hanging out is not how it works , it only confuses you further and makes you miserable  and it also messes you up coz then you begin  separating your emotions and physical attraction….that sucks !

Breaking up means not seeing them again, this also implies not seeing them in any way again. This guy’s sniffing for something better, and when he doesn’t find it, he gets lonely and comes “home.”  It’s not that he’s so into you. It’s that he’s so not into being alone.  Don’t give him the chance to break up with you again! Reset your breakup maximum to one and move on.

Deciding to get back together with someone is a complicated and difficult decision.  Just remember that the person you are getting back together with is the same person who, not long before, looked you in your beautiful face, took full stock of you and all your qualities, and told you that he was no longer in need of your company. Don’t confuse being classy with being a doormat.  Classy is walking away with your head held high, graciously, and with all dignity.  Being a doormat is offering to drive him to the dentist for his root canal! You do it for friends and not for Exes!

Breakups are supposed to be Breaks.  Hard, clean breaks.  No talking, no seeing, no touching (ha-ha yeah like that song and more!)  The relationship is over.  Half the people I know go out on a holiday after a huge breakup, and frankly that makes perfect sense to me.  Also you’re not supposed to ‘hang’ with the guy who just broke your heart a week ago. 

You’d rather stay in bed cry, wail, have ice cream, and go to the gym! Use this positively! Call your friends and burden them with your stories! We have all been there and will understand! Head to the Spa, shop, do whatever you need to eventually shut the dude out and move on! Cut him off.  Let him miss you. He doesn’t need to be reminded that you’re great … not worth it! There are many fish in the sea!

There’s a guy out there who’s going to be really happy that you didn’t get back together with your crappy ex-boyfriend.

Don’t give him the chance to reject you over and over in many ways than one! No matter how powerful and real your feelings may be for someone, if that person cannot fully and honestly return them and therefore actively love you back, these feelings mean nothing.

Being lonely … being alone … for many people … sucks.  I get it, but still I have to say that yes, my belief is that being with somebody who makes you feel crappy or doesn’t honor the person you are worse. You’re my power puff girl for a reason; you will sail through this …easy!

Life is hard enough as it is without choosing someone difficult to share it with.

You deserve to be with someone who is nice to you all the time. Make that choice by taking someone who isn’t, out of your life!

P.s. always there for you!

Rules of a Gentleman….

For the benefit of my not so enlightened guy friends….follow these simple rules and maybe there’s still some hope for you !!!

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 No.1  – Run with her on the beach.

No.2  – Give her your sweater when she’s cold.

No.3  – Never talk about other girls infront of her.

No.4  – Learn to play the guitar for her.

No.5  – Comfort her when she’s scared.

No.6  – Watch the sunset with her.

No.7  – If she can’t sleep, read her a bedtime story.

No.8  – If you get in a fight with her and she starts crying, just stop and hold her.

No.9  – Never force her to do anything.

No.10 – Call her beautiful, especially when she least expects it.

No.11 – Never let her walk home alone.

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No.12 – Play with her hair when she’s laying on your chestNo.13 – Always make the first move.

No.14 – Never lie to her, she’ll find out.

No.15 – Kiss her when she’s sleeping.

No.16 – Sing to her no matter how terrible your voice is. ..she’ll like it.

No.17 – When she’s fighting with someone, defend her even when you don’t think she’s right.

No.18 – Accept her for who she is.

No.19 – Call her beautiful instead of hot nor sexy.

No.20 – Don’t let go first during a hug.

No.21 – Tell her if she has something in her hair.

No.22 – Tell her you love her before she sleeps every night.

No.23 – Never go through her messages.

No.24 – Making her look bad infront of your friends will make you look bad, too.

No.25 – Always have her back.

No.26 – Kiss her in the rain.

No.27 – Leave her voice messages to wake up to.

No.28 – Stay on the call with her even if she fell asleep.

No.29 – Let her fall asleep in your arms.

No.30 – Give her piggyback rides.

No.31 – Call her babe.

No.32 – Apologize when you’re wrong.

No.33 – Always open the door for her.

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No.34 – Boobs or butts doesn’t matter.

No.35 – Notice the little things.

No.36 – Give her flowers.

No.37 – Good hygiene is a must.

No.38 – Be confident.

No.39 – Don’t swear.

No.40 – Carry things for her.

No.41 – Always be the stronger one.

No.42 – Pay for dinner.

No.43 – Hold her chair.

No.44 – Be a good listener.

No.45 – Don’t brag.

No.46 – Compliment her.

No.47 – Don’t use her.

No.48 – Respect her.

No.49 – Perform random acts of kindness.

No.50 – Never take her for granted.

No.51 – Give her breakfast in bed.

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No.52 – Hang out with her friends too, not just yours.

No.53 – Do whatever it takes to make her happy. 

No.54 – She’s more important than videogames.

No.55 – Don’t make a promise if you’re gonna break it.

No.56 – If she slaps you, you probably deserved it.

No.57 – She should have three things from you; your sweatshirt, a stuffed animal and a really pretty ring.

No.58 – Never slap her, even if it’s just in a joking way.

No.59 – If they complain that something hurts, rub it for them without being asked.

No.60 – Forget her birthday once and you’re screwed.

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No.61 – Hug her from the back.

No.62 – Never insult her, even if you’re joking around.

No.63 – Never miss a date.

No.64 – Try your best to get her something on your vacation. (it doesn’t have to be expensive, as long as it’s from the heart)

No.65 – Wear that knitted sweater that she made for you. (it will mean the world to her). Or use the gift she got you….

No.66 – Never ask her to buy you things.

No.67 – If you love her, show her, not your friends.

No.68 – Don’t get upset if she wants to watch chick flicks. (you might even like it)

No.69 – When she’s sick, don’t neglect her.

No.70 – Reply her texts.

No.71 – Never ask a girl out because of a dare.

No.72 – Never be late for a date.

No.73 – Unexpected surprises.(SUPPLIES !) 

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No.74 – When both of you are in a fight, take the blame even if she’s wrong.

No.75 – Listen to what she has to say.

No.76 – If you know she loves you, don’t play with her emotions and take advantage of it.

No.77 – When she refuses to talk to you because you did something to upset her,insist and make up for it.

No.78 – Make her feel like a princess.

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No.79 – Shift to the dangerous side when crossing the street.

No.80 – When she drops something, stop whatever you’re doing to help her.

No.81 – Never let her down of blow her off.

No.82 – Treat her like your bestfriend.

No.83 – Kiss the back of her hand.

No.84 – Love her when she least deserves it — that’s when she needs it the most.

No.85 – Tell her your stories and feelings too. She wants to hear them. Promise.

No.86 – Don’t tell her lies just to spare her feelings, she’d rather know the truth now rather than finding out later.

No.87 – Yes, “I’m cold” is another way of saying “hug me”.

No.88 – Believe her and believe in her.

No.89 – Always listen to what she has to say.

No.90 – Good grammar is sexy.

No.91 – Look her in the eyes.

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No.92 – Let her rest her head on your shoulder.

No.93 – Take the initiative to go and talk to her.

No.94 – Have pillow fights with her.

No.95 – Never talk bad behind her back.

No.96 – Never be a jerk to her infront of her friends.

No.97 – Never go to parties or hang out with other girls without her.

No.98 – Never make excuses.

No.99 – Don’t talk to her when you’re mad. (you will screw something up)

No.100 – Don’t try to keep anything from her.

No.101 – Slip sweet notes in her locker. (they will make her day)

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No.102 – Never let a day pass without saying ‘I love you’ to her.

No.103 – Always protect her from any kind of harm.

No.104 – Never give her a reason to think that she’s the man in the relationship.

No.105 – Grand gestures.

No.106 – Kiss her under the stars.

No.107 – Love her unconditionally.

No.108 – Make her an album of the songs that reminds you of her.

No.109 – Never lead her on if you know nothing’s going to happen.

No.110 – Never answer “Does this make me look fat?” question. (it’s a trick)

No.111 – If you love her, never let her slip away.

No.112 – Your warmth soothes her heart.

No.113 – When going out, don’t ask her what she wants to do, take charge and decide.

No.114 – Smile and laugh at her jokes, even if they aren’t funny. 

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No.115 – If you don’t have time for her, make time for her.

No.116 – Always be available for her.

No.117 – If you love her, tell her before it’s too late.

No.118 – Never forget an anniversary.

No.119 – When you’re around her, always make her feel like you’re her first and last.

No.120 – It’s the little compliments that means alot to her.

No.121 – Show her off in front of your or her friends.

No.122 – When she’s tired, carry her.

No.123 – Never accuse.

No.124 – Do it because you want to, not because you want something back in return.

No.125 – Actions speak louder than words.

No.126 – Have those I-love-you-more-fights. (she thinks it’s cute)

No.127 – Don’t say whatever when you are arguing. (it’ll make her more mad)

No.128 – Never blame her for your mistakes.

No.129 – She loves that cute smirk. Promise.

No.130 – A gentleman is one who never hurts anyone’s feelings unintentionally.

No.131 – No more bro’s before ho’s. Well respected women, before bro’s.

No.132 – Don’t go anywhere without kissing her goodbye.

No.133 – Hold the door for every girl, attractive or not.

No.134 – Try to write a song for her, even if you’re not musically inclined. (she’ll love it no matter what)

No.135 – Text her good morning to have her day start with a smile. 

No.136 – She comes first. Always.

No.137 – Never let her forget how much she means to you. 

No.138 – Never let her fall asleep waiting for your call.

No.139 – Her “nothing” is always something.

No.140 – Never tell a girl she doesn’t understand. Ever. Chances are she does.

No.141 – Forehead kisses.

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No.142 – Have a day for just you and her, she loves the one on one time.

No.143 – Have tickle fights with her (but let her win)

No.144 – Dance with her even when there’s no music on.

John_cusack_kate_beckinsale_serendipity_001_largeNo.145 – Stay up, even if you are tired to talk or chat with her.

No.146 – Never give her a reason to doubt your feelings for her.

No.147 – Never reject her kisses or hugs.

No.148 – Don’t text or call her just because you’re bored.

No.149 – Kiss her spontaneously in the middle of her sentence.

No.150 – Love her for who she is, not for who you want her to be.

No.151- When she pushes you away, pull her in closer.

No.152- Call her love. It sounds classy.

No.153- Tuck her hair behind her ear.

No.154- Never compare her with your ex-girlfriends. She is incomparable. 

No.155- Never underestimate a girl’s ability to find things out. 

No.156- If you fall in love with her, tell her. Just be prepared to catch her.

No.157- In the middle of a hug, squeeze a little harder. (she’ll love it, promise)

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No.158- A gentleman always cheers for his hometown team. Win or lose. 

No.159- A gentleman respects every women in his life. If you can’t respect your own mother, forget about respecting your girlfriend. 

No.160- Stupid lame jokes; awkwardly adorable moments.

No.161- A gentleman never hits a girl, ever.

No.162- A gentleman always thinks before he says. 

No.163- A gentleman is never rude.

No.164- A gentleman never breaks a promise.

No.165- Don’t try to out dress a woman. She should be the center of attention and should now feel that she’s under dressed. 

No.166- A gentleman always dresses well.

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No.167- Don’t just talk the talk.

No.168- Look people in the eyes when you greet them and shake their hand. 

No.169- Never cut someone off.

No.170- If you’re trying to have a relationship, let the woman know. If you’re not, and you’re just trying to hit, let them know that, too.

No.171- Open doors. Pull out chairs. Let her order first. Simple manners.

No.172- No, she doesn’t look fat in the dress. Yes, even if she does.

No.173- Give girls a little extra respect.

No.174- Secret rooftop meetings never gets old.

No.175- Calling her “baby,” will make her melt every time. Promise. 

No.176- When listening to the radio, if a love song comes on, squeeze her hand tighter.

No.177- Your girlfriend is not the prettiest of them all, because in your eyes, she should be the only one who is pretty.

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No.178- Confidence is sexy. Cockiness is not.

No.179- Hold her while she cries, nothing feels better.

No.180- When hugging her, lift her off her feet and spin her around. (she’ll love it.)

No.181- Always maintain eye contact. It lets her know that you are only paying attention to her.

No.182- If you make her bite her lip, know that you’re doing a damn good job at whatever you’re doing.

No.183- Hold her tight, she won’t want you to let go.

No.184- Make holding her hand too tight be the only way you can hurt her.

No.185- Kisses aren’t everything; never underestimate the power of a good hug.

No.186- Play with her fingers, she loves the way your hand touches hers.

No.187- Grand gestures and complimenting the little things aren’t opposites. Do both.

No.188- Don’t tell her your love is forever unless you have no doubt it is.

No.189- Tell her all your sweet memories together. She’ll be smiling all day long knowing that you remember every single moment you’re together.

No.190- If she’s amazing, she won’t be easy. If she’s easy, she won’t be amazing. If she’s worth it, you won’t give up. If you give up, you’re not worthy enough.

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No.191- A man’s biggest mistake is giving another man an opportunity to make his woman smile. If you love her, you shouldn’t be giving any guy that chance. It should be you making her smile.

No.192- Every gentleman should have at least one suit in his closet.

No.193- Good look’s just a bonus if you have a great personality.

No.194- If a girl admits that she likes you, know that it took every ounce of courage in her to say that. Idiot, don’t take her for granted.

No.195- A gentleman should always have one good watch on his wrist. It’s a mark of character and dignity.

No.196- Gentlemen, wear a belt. It’s called underwear for a reason. 

No.197- Don’t try to outdress a woman. She should be the center of attention and should not feel thats she’s underdressed.

No.198-  Being open-minded and aware of the world around you shows class and sophistication, but avoid seeming pretentious by being modest instead of showing off what you know.

No.199- Don’t ask about the last guy she was with. Being competitive is a young man’s game.

No.200- Avoid public fights with your woman. Keep things private to let her know there’s an exclusive world that you and her share.

No.201- Avoid unnecessary use of expletives in public, especially in the presence of a woman you’re trying to impress. 

No.202- If you want to leave her, leave her breathless. If you want to lie, lie next to her. If you want to let go, let go of your pride and pursue her.

No.203- Boasting about your intelligence isn’t attractive, neither is downplaying it.

No.204- Always keep the balance between obsession and apathy. Make her feel important but give her some space when she needs it.

No.205- Gentlemen, be aware that the line between confidence and arrogance is extremely thin. 

No.206- Every girl wants that feeling of being wanted and belonged too. So gentlemen, give it to her. Give her your undivided attention, the best that you can give and offer her, and the best of the best that you know she deserves.

No.207- Always kiss your lady’s hand. It will make her feel like a queen.

No.208- Apologize. You are not degrading yourself, you are showing that you care for that person’s feelings.

No.209- Don’t tell her you love her unless you really mean it. She might do something crazy, like believe it.

No.210- Nice guys finish last because they put their ladies first.

No.211- Don’t waste your time looking for all the wrong ones, when you already have the right one.

No.212- Whatever you give a woman, she’s going to multiply. If you give her sperm, she’ll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she’ll give you a home. So, if your give her any crap, you will receive a ton of shit.

No.213- Chivalry is very much alive. Just because a girl acts like she doesn’t care for those small things, inside she’s really looking for it.

No.214- Don’t bring up how many girls you’ve been with; it will not make you look better nor will it impress her.

No.215- Tell her nobody’s perfect, but she is as perfect as they come.

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No.216- Allow your lady to walk ahead of you, not all over you. 

No.217- Don’t tell her you love her, if you have another girl by your side.

No.218- A girl’s dream is to own something that belongs to you. When she has that, she feels extra close to you. 

No.219- If you feel as if you’d die for her, live in such a way that she would know.

No.220- Go ahead, take a punch for her, give one if necessary, just make sure she wasn’t the one that got hurt.

No.221- Sometimes you shouldn’t have to ask how she’s doing. Read the signs: look into her eyes.

No.222- Remember, whenever she finishes a sentence with “I’ve never told anyone that before,” make sure to never forget.

No.223- Real men never stop trying to show a girl how much she means to him, even after he’s got her.

No.224- Kiss her nose.

No.225- Give her something to tell her friends about. 

No.226- A gentleman doesn’t need to hit a woman to feel like a “man”. After all, he is a gentle man. 

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No.227- If she worries about you, it just means she cares. But when she stops caring, that’s when you should be worried.

No.228- When she starts to let go during a hug, pull her even closer and hug her even tighter.

No.229- Just because she has dated douchebags doesn’t mean there isn’t any chance for a nice guy. 

No.230- Don’t flip out when your girlfriend wonders who you’re with or what you’re doing. It means she cares and she’s actually afraid to lose you to someone else. 

No.231- “Don’t date the most beautiful girl in the world, date the girl who makes your world the most beautiful.”

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No.232- Spill your heart out to her; if she loves you she’ll love to listen.

No.233- “Anyone can be heroic form time to time, but a gentleman is something you have to be all the time.” -Luigi Pirandello

No.234-  A boy makes his girl jealous of other women. A gentleman makes other women jealous of his girl. 

No.235- A true gentleman should never take advantage of any lady.

No.236- When you’re holding hands, squeeze hers from time to time. It will surely make her look at you and smile.

No.237- When she rubs her arms with both hands, it’s another sign of saying, “Hug me, make me warm.”

No.238- Remember, she loves you for you. So don’t try to go around changing yourself just to impress her. 

No.239- When you say ‘I love you’, say it in a way she’ll want to hear it. Look her in the eyes; grasp her hand; and lean close to her, so she knows you’re truly serious. 

No.240- If you aren’t treating her right, don’t be mad when somebody else does. 

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No.241- Never ever make a girl feel anything less than perfect. 

No.242- A gentleman never lies to his woman. Ever. 

No.243- A gentleman should always give up his seat for the elderly.  

No.244- You came from a woman. So you have no right to disrespect one